


Time

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-18 22:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has to memorize Dean, he just has to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> for kiana bless her soul

Castiel has always had a fascination with humans. Well, he’s had a fascination with one human. More specifically, he’s had a fascination with Dean Winchester. The way Dean’s eyelashes fan out across his cheeks when he sleeps, the way his freckles are placed across his nose and cheeks, as if one of his brothers spent hours kissing each spot. How his eye color matches the green of the treetops in heaven that Castiel loves so much.

Castiel watches Dean when he isn’t looking, when he is looking, when he’s sleeping, whenever he can. He watches Dean when he’s on hunting trips, when he’s standing right next to him, when he’s eating. Castiel watches Dean from heaven. He wants to know Dean, he wants to see him and know exactly what’s happening. He wants to learn Dean and his body and his mind, he wants to know everything before it’s too late because sometimes Castiel blinks and a year has gone by.

Time has never been a problem for Castiel. He may never run out of time. He’ll live forever, if he forgets to do something one day, he has the rest of the century to fix it. An angel never has to worry about running out of time. But now Castiel does. He has to count every second to make sure one doesn’t slip away without him making the most of it. Without him memorizing another piece of Dean’s life.

Maybe he won’t be able to memorize everything by the time everything is done and over, but that won’t stop him from trying. He’ll run his fingers across timeworn hands and brush his lips against all the scars gained from countless hunting trips. He’ll kiss the hairs at the nape of Dean’s neck and trim them when they get too long. He’ll count each and every haircut and toothache and every single cold. He’ll measure the days in bags of fries and cups of coffee.

Before Dean, life was insignificant. Who needs to live, when there are battles to be fought—a higher purpose to serve? Before Dean, love was a past time that humans created so they didn’t get bored. Now it’s everything he is, everything he will always be. Love is Dean and remembering stitching the broken man back together in the depths of hell, reaching him when he was unreachable, pulling him away from himself. Love is memorizing the curve of Dean’s lips, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs, which is a whole new type of love in itself. Love is making Dean laugh, love is holding him when he wants to cry, love is giving everything to make sure he’s safe.

Saving Dean wasn’t supposed to be some kind of suicide mission; it wasn’t supposed to get this out of hand. But Cas is too far gone to fix it, and too selfish to stop. So he won’t stop. He won’t stop until he knows exactly how to make Dean squirm, he won’t stop until he has every little detail of Dean down to a science. From his freckles to the way his heart beats a little faster when he can’t see Sam during a hunt.

Castiel can feel his time running out, though. He can tell that the days are wearing thin. Soon the last grains in the hourglass will fall to the bottom, and everything will be done. Dean will fall back to earth from the pedestal that Castiel has put him on and it will break him. He’ll shatter like glass, break into a thousand pieces, and Cas won’t be able to glue him back together this time. Maybe Castiel himself will fall, from heaven to earth. Maybe he’ll break too, and find little pieces of himself as he wanders the earth alone. Or maybe nothing will happen to Cas. Maybe he’ll live on without Dean, without Sam, without even the Impala to cling onto. He can’t imagine anything worse.

That’s why he has to get this done. He has to find all the obscure freckles hidden on the pale skin most people don’t get to see. He has to count all the shades of green in Dean’s eyes. He has to listen to the way Dean’s heart beats when he thinks he’s alone, when he believes all is lost. He has to remember all the times Dean bites his nails, he has to figure out all the things Dean hides even from himself. He has to watch him so he won’t miss anything, because he’s going to miss everything when Dean’s gone.

Maybe he won’t be able to do it in time, but he’ll definitely try.


End file.
